The whole "get married and have kids" idea never appealed to me. Honestly, most children annoy me and I can't imagine the responsibility of not screwing one up. Then when my doctor told me it would be difficult for me to have children, I felt like my fate was sealed. I wasn't going to have kids and I was okay with that. Bloggers like ...love Maegan have opened up about their struggles to become pregnant. I feel sad that great women can't have kids meanwhile the girls of "Teen Mom" have no issues popping a baby out. So unfair.
I feel lucky that I have the option of waiting to find the time in my life if I do want a child with the option of adoption. Meanwhile, most women stress about their "biological clock" ticking and needing to find a husband before 35. There was a great post on xoJane.com today about the older she got, the less she desired having children. She says "I am trying not to waste any time worrying about it, or feeling shame or embarrassment that I don’t seem to feel how I’m meant to about the prospect of having kids. It has to be OK to feel contented with my life as it is. And yet, the pressure to reproduce as a normal part of adult life is occasionally so pervasive that I feel guilty even about my happiness." That's the other side of the pendulum I don't get. Why must we made to feel guilty about not having kids? There is a huge industry around parenting and society makes you feel left out of some elite club.
It's hard not to feel like you are failing at life by not having a kid. I haven't had to deal with this too much at 26 but I already have one friend getting married in October. You know what comes next... baby showers! Once all my friends are married with kids then I'll start feeling left out and jealous of all the gifts. I already joke that I only want to have a wedding for the gifts.
|My nephews: Zach and Jacob|
This past weekend I went back to southern California to visit my sister who has two boys. It was my older nephew, Jacob's (my birthday twin!), birthday party. My sister's friends came with all their little ones. It was so crazy to see these young 20-something year old girls married with kids. That could be me right now! It horrified me that I could be married with a kid by now. So my views definitely haven't changed as I'm getting older.
There was an article by Melanie Notkin a.k.a Savvy Auntie about childless women that I felt hit the nail on the head with some great points. Not having kids isn't always a choice, some women just get wrapped up in their careers and it never happens or happens later in life. She used the term "circumstantially infertile," which I think sums it up.
I applaud women (like my sister) who do it all: work a full-time job, take care of kids, make a marriage work, etc. However, those aren't my goals and I know for me right now, kids are not in my plan. Perhaps that will change in ten years. However, when ever I visit my nephews, it reaffirms that I'm quite happy being an aunt.
Do you want children? Is it something you always dreamed of or are you still figuring it out?